Finally! I just need to do this.

To all my dear sisters in the Lord whom I miss so much, and to those that I may meet for the first time through this endeavor,

I have wanted to write for about four years, but I draw a blank every time I think about it. I just decided to dive in today and do it. It's reckless, I know, but I've just got to start somewhere and here seems good.

I'm in the middle of a knock down, drag out dog fight with the enemy. Just one skirmish in a long line of them dating back about four years. (Gee, I wonder where this started. Anyone want to hazard a guess?) I was foolish enough to ask God to teach me how to "war" a few years ago. I realized that I was a SPIRITUAL WIMP, and I didn't want to be a wimp in the Kingdom of Heaven so I asked Him to change that. I had just discovered the magical truth that I am absolutely powerless to change myself, but that if I simply ask God to change me, He will - and can. I just didn't count on Him actually taking me to war. Funny thing how that worked.

I have to constantly remind myself that I asked Him for this. He is faithful, you know? I think I must have prayed according to how He saw it because He didn't waste much time in delivering.

It's good to remember, though, because if I forget that I asked for battles I start to think that life just stinks. Oh yeah, this is a battle in the Kingdom of God, and I'm a soldier fighting on the side of eternal good - actually kinda cool. I wanted to be tough so I need to start enjoying this.

Anyway, I came across this poem today in a book by Kay Arthur entitled, As Silver Refined:
(Good book, so far)

"Disappointment -- His Appointment";
change one letter, then I see
that the thwarting of my purpose
is God's better choice for me.
His appointment must be blessing
though it may come in disguise;
for the end, from the beginning,
open to His vision lies,

"Disappointment--His Appointment."
Whose? The Lord who loves me best,
understands and knows me fully,
who my faith and love would test.
For like loving earthly parents
He rejoices when He knows
that His child accepts unquestioned
all that from His wisdom flows.

"Disappointment--His Appointment";
no good things will He withhold.
From denials oft we gather
treasures of His love untold.
Well He knows each broken purpose
leads to a fuller, deeper trust,
and the end of all His dealings
proves our God is wise and just.

"Disappointment--His Appointment";
Lord I take it then as such,
like clay in the hands of the potter
yielding wholly to His touch.
My life's plan is all His molding;
not one single choice be mine.
Let me answer unrepenting,
"Father, not my will, but Thine."

--Anonymous

I have absolute confidence that His will is best, and even that He has a grand, master plan for my life. I just can't see it most of the time, and that freaks me out. I'm walking blind, mostly, but I have a really good "seeing eye God." I just have to trust that He's taking me to a safe place.

I thought someone out there could maybe use that poem today, and that's what got me on the computer finally. I think about all of you so much, but find it hard to make small talk when so much is constantly going on internally with me.

I'll post some pictures of interest at some point. The kids are really growing up, and they're doing very well. I like 'em. God has done many, many miracles, but they often get lost to my sight. That's another reason I decided to write. Someone said something that I can't remember right now that had to do with remembering what God has done. (Oh boy, am I in trouble!) I decided right then and there to start writing for that purpose, if nothing else. (We'll see how this goes.) I did try to write something that day. I sat down and drew a blank and walked away.

So somehow this poem got me going and I had to run with it. I think that if I chip away daily (or, maybe bi-daily) with little thoughts and memories I can do this.

My mission is to stay in touch through fellowship on this blog, to remember what God has done, to encourage anyone I can, to share what I've learned and what I'm learning with anyone who is interested, and to see what God might want to do.

I had some plans for starting a yahoo group for this purpose, but moderating it is beyond my time capacity right now. I would get so into it that I'd never see my family again. I have also had some plans to start a web page that could accommodate our fellowship, but that is a huge undertaking (which I want to do, and by God's grace I shall someday), but I decided that it would take too long, would overwhelm me (and boy you do not want to do that. I cry like a baby when I'm overwhelmed), and I would never get back in touch with everyone if I waited around like that.

So, welcome to my blog...

One reason I have never done this is that I hate the idea of a blog. It just seems so self-absorbed, and I'm already much too self-absorbed. That scares me, frankly. However, I know that my interest is a sincere desire to offer much needed fellowship that might encourage not only me, but others as well. The desire to do this just won't go away.

If I can think of some pithy scripture I'll put it here in the future, but for now,

I hope this begins a long and glorious avenue of fellowship.

God bless you gals,

Monica